Thursday, September 19, 2013

The words i needed to hear from Me, Myself and I..

We all have 'those' days....

I had a bad one of them today, days when you are just Meh.. 

You just don't feel comfortable in your own skin and needless to say self esteem is very very low

For me today it wasn't smarts or personality related..

there was no.."nobody likes me, every body hates me"...kind that has you looking for worms to eat 
(sour worm lollies count right)

For me it was purely body image... i just hated it all today. We all have them those days when nothing works. 

Could be PMT (thanks a f'ing lot Endometriosis... you asshole, the pain wasn't enough!!)

Could be the stress from work and way not enough sleep.

but it more likely a mix of above and just old issues raising their head. I used to have some serious body issues, hated it and it still gets to me every now and then.

Don't get me wrong there are parts i love and know people would happily steal off me. But some those same parts got a lot of negative attention when i was younger. I love having a big bust and small waist but when you are a moody teenager being know as the walking boobs isn't always fun. 
Girls hate you and the guys are just... well teenage guys..

As i got older i got better and more accepting and understanding of myself..

I learnt how to dress in a way that flatters me. I am true to my self and my personality in how i style myself. I am confident in who i am and my style but i guess what i want to say is this happens to all of us. 

so instead of totally beating myself up today, and to be honest, being down right abusive to myself with so much negative thoughts and self hate directed inwards. 

I decided to be honest with myself.. and it went something like this..

Yes - you feel like crap, you slept like hell and possibly look like you have been punched in the face with the dark circles..

Yes - your new skirt has something super weird going on with the waist band and it is driving you nuts.

Yes - you have a bit of a breakout going on..


Yes - should really drop a few dress sizes


These are all transient things... 

The blemishes will go away, you can alter the skirt. You need to sleep more and the mental work load will ease soon.

You are working hard to make yourself healthy and to lose weight, you know how your body reacts to that, it is a slow process and it will take a while.

You need to remember there are some people out there, that really like your looks, shape and figure just how it is.

You need to tell those negative old familiar thoughts to basically go take a flying.....

Be proud in who you are, what you have worked so hard for. You are you and know your man, friends and family love you regardless..

Being true, Confident and proud of who i am is how i made it through today..
I will not let myself fall into old habits and i know i am better than that..
If i am a size 18 or 8 in doesn't matter.. 

I basically told myself..

I didn't share this to have a pity party or to seek attention. I shared this to remind everyone that we all need to be true to yourself and remember that we all shine.. 

We are Radiant as the Sun

Jas xx

ps.  Yes i am wearing fangs in that picture but you will hear all about those later....

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