My Everyday Glamour

All photos on this post are by Russell Thomas (http://russellthomas.zenfolio.com)

My Everyday Glamour

So if you follow me on Instagram and my posts you may have noticed I wear shapewear, suspender belts and stockings nearly everyday. It is not uncommon for people to have a slightly perplexed look on their faces when they are told that fact.

So why do I wear them, they make me feel glamorous, give me that swing in my step no matter how I am feeling that day.

In previous posts I have touched on the fact that I have negative body image issues. I am not saying this out for sympathy or compliments, it is just a fact. 

It is something I work on everyday. Some days are worse than others. I remind myself at times when about to walk out the door, that what my head sees in the mirror is not what others see. That it is a distorted view some days depending on how bad my demons acting up.

When I was a kid I developed quite early, I shot up to almost my current height of 5 foot 7 inches and a D cup at the age of 13. Needless to say I got a lot of comments on my body....constantly. Some positives, a whole bunch negative and sexually explicit. People making the assumption just because i was rocking some serious curves, i was obviously a slut and asking for it. All because of the shape of my body.

I have come a long way, I started to dress in what I like and suits my shape. I stopped trying to hide my curves. Whilst I am not 100% in love with my body, it is what I have and I am happy with it. I try to rock what I have and be true to myself, my style and my personality. 

So why do I wear what I do, the answer is simple. I love them. I love the slip and swish of the stockings, the little wrinkles and seams, the feel of the clips through my clothes and the way they accent my shape. I love pretty underwear, I love them to match. Being a 38G cup finding bras with matching panties is tricky so I love being able to find items that all pair up. 

For me it is all about making the most of my assets and wearing stuff I love. So when I go through my day, it may not look like it from the outside, but I know what I have on underneath. Just because I am a plus size girl it does not mean I can't wear something pretty and sexy.

Regardless of who you are, what size, shape, gender choice, orientation...

you have the right and deserve to feel sexy, beautiful and happy. 

It Happens...

So i shall be totally honest

today started as one of those days 

  Blah....

Those days where you feel all wrong and just want to 

Curl up in a ball, hide from the world and most of all the monologue going on in my own head.

Nothing is going wrong... There is no major drama.. just lots of little things

No time, messy house, not organised, itchy arm, sticky arm, very tired, still sick, ENDO owww, fine fine stabby pain, Body image, fuzzz hair, monday again, didn't do what i should of this weekend, lose weight damn it, this belt pinches..

The fates have just aligned for me to feel like hell and my internal monologue is.. not constructive and definitely helping today or any day.

To quote one of my favorite books ever

I was on my way in to work this morning, with many thought rolling through my head. All related to how i am not good enough, why didn't you do this, your itchy, eghh tired, lose weight, are you even trying, try harder.. etc

This song came on and you know what it was just right, what i needed to hear..

 and i thought i would share it with you all..

Pink - Perfect

Reminding myself that...

No one is everything, everyone makes mistakes...

even if it is just giving in to the demons in your own head for a morning..

It happens and i am not the sum of all the little things that mount up at anytime. 

They are not who i am..

The words i needed to hear from Me, Myself and I..

We all have 'those' days....

I had a bad one of them today, days when you are just Meh.. 

You just don't feel comfortable in your own skin and needless to say self esteem is very very low

For me today it wasn't smarts or personality related..

there was no.."nobody likes me, every body hates me"...kind that has you looking for worms to eat 

(sour worm lollies count right)

For me it was purely body image... i just hated it all today. We all have them those days when nothing works. 

Could be PMT (thanks a f'ing lot Endometriosis... you asshole, the pain wasn't enough!!)

Could be the stress from work and way not enough sleep.

but it more likely a mix of above and just old issues raising their head. I used to have some serious body issues, hated it and it still gets to me every now and then.

Don't get me wrong there are parts i love and know people would happily steal off me. But some those same parts got a lot of negative attention when i was younger. I love having a big bust and small waist but when you are a moody teenager being know as the walking boobs isn't always fun. 

Girls hate you and the guys are just... well teenage guys..

As i got older i got better and more accepting and understanding of myself..

I learnt how to dress in a way that flatters me. I am true to my self and my personality in how i style myself. I am confident in who i am and my style but i guess what i want to say is this happens to all of us. 

so instead of totally beating myself up today, and to be honest, being down right abusive to myself with so much negative thoughts and self hate directed inwards. 

I decided to be honest with myself.. and it went something like this..

Yes - you feel like crap, you slept like hell and possibly look like you have been punched in the face with the dark circles..

Yes - your new skirt has something super weird going on with the waist band and it is driving you nuts.

Yes - you have a bit of a breakout going on..

and 

Yes - should really drop a few dress sizes

BUT

These are all transient things... 

The blemishes will go away, you can alter the skirt. You need to sleep more and the mental work load will ease soon.

You are working hard to make yourself healthy and to lose weight, you know how your body reacts to that, it is a slow process and it will take a while.

You need to remember there are some people out there, that really like your looks, shape and figure just how it is.

You need to tell those negative old familiar thoughts to basically go take a flying.....

Be proud in who you are, what you have worked so hard for. You are you and know your man, friends and family love you regardless..

Being true, Confident and proud of who i am is how i made it through today..

I will not let myself fall into old habits and i know i am better than that..
If i am a size 18 or 8 in doesn't matter.. 

I basically told myself..

I didn't share this to have a pity party or to seek attention. I shared this to remind everyone that we all need to be true to yourself and remember that we all shine.. 

We are Radiant as the Sun

Jas xx

ps.  Yes i am wearing fangs in that picture but you will hear all about those later....